My Longest Year

I've moved, sort of (crystalbutler.com/blog) a.k.a. I MISS YOU ALL!

You've probably noticed I haven't been around for a while now. Sigh. I love this blog. For so many reasons. A journal of our time in war. A catalog of some of my favorite moments with the kids. A place to tell on myself. A spot to park all those fun tutorials. And a way to purge my grief.

And then life got crammed. With photography. Clients, CHILDREN + new baby. A new schedule of schools, gymnastic, dance. So. Much. Stuff to manage. Add to that the fact that Facebook opened up a whole new way to document life - even if in snippets.

And this somehow fell by the wayside.

BUT I MISS IT. I miss my readers, writing and chatting about choices, consequences, fears, hard lessons.

But here's the thing. I can't be EVERYWHERE at the same time. Photography alone almost requires three online presences - Facebook, Blog, and Main site. phew. Who can keep up?

So - for now at least - I'm moving to my photo blog. Well, sort of. The thought of baring all on a site meant for clients will be interesting. But I've thought about it. And I'd like clients to know me better. And me is - well, always right there at the surface. I don't hide much - even from strangers.

So visit me, won't you? WWW.CRYSTALBUTLER.COM/BLOG. I'm also on Facebook.

What Can I Say to My Grieving Friend? (repost)

I am reposting this with the book excerpt by itself.  Having gone through the grief process myself, I wish I had had something like this to pass to well-meaning friends.

I ran across this page in a book that I thought I'd share with you.  If your friend is grieving, this a good example of re-framing your approach to him or her.  If you are the grieving one, I encourage you to give this to your friends. 

What Can I Say to My Grieving Friend?

Instead of: "I know exactly how you feel."
Try: "I can only imagine what you're going through."
 
Instead of: "At least he doesn't have to suffer anymore."
Try: "He suffered through a lot, didn't he?"
 
Instead of: "It's God's will."
Try: "One comfort I find is God's promise to never abandon us."
 
Instead of: "She wouldn't want you to grieve."
Try: "It's hard to say good-bye, isn't it?"
 
Instead of: "You can't be angry with God."
Try: "God understands even when we're upset."
 
Instead of: "At least you have other family members." [or any other "at least," for that matter]
Try: "There's no way to replace the one you've lost, is there?"
 
Instead of: "Don't you think it's time to get on with living your life?"
Try: "Everyone has to grieve in their own way, don't they?"
 
Instead of: "Don't talk about the funeral--it will only make you sad."
Try: "We can talk about whatever you want."
 
Instead of: "Time heals all wounds."
Try: "Time will lessen the pain, but you'll always have a part of him/her with you."

Instead of: "You've got to be strong."
Try: "I want you to know you can be yourself around me"
 
Excerpt from the book Disrupted:  Finding God in Illness & Loss by Virgil M. Fry, Houston, TX

[reprinted with permission]

can you believe it?

day 13: routines

So, I guess this isn't technically a "routine."  She doesn't play with her tea set EVERY day.  But role-playing has become a recurring theme with Ashlyn and it's fun to watch.  What took me a little by surprise today was how well she was able to entertain herself for a stretch of time.

I've often worried/wondered if Ash would ever be able to play independently, considering she spends most of her day as a disciple of Evyn.  Today this made me smile:

when your wings are feeble

I heard this song at church last Sunday, sung by a church member - honestly and beautifully.  I was touched.

If I could I would send a copy to everyone I know who is exhausted under the weight of stress, hardship, tragedy, expectations, worldly-ness, or self-doubt.

"My heart is restless in me; My wings are all worn out" If you feel this way today, have a listen:

Find more artists like Swift at Myspace Music

evyn said

This afternoon as I was passing by the girls, cuddled together under a blanket and watching Stuart Little...

E: "Mom, what is Ashlyn allergic to?"

Me: "Nothing..."

E: "Gr. She gets to pet cats." (E laments her cat allergy frequently)

 

"what they wear"

If you ever hop over to my photo blog, you know I've joined a photo challenge this month. 

Today's challenge: what they wear.

This is Cam, wearing socks that he's been yanking at all day. 

You'll notice he's also sporting a new high chair.  This is what I'd like to call Third Baby High Chair.  Function over fashion.  The girls used a beautiful Eddie Bauer high chair that I bought for a couple of reasons - one of them being that the wood blended in with the furniture.  Yes, nice.  But this go-round I need space more than anything.  Enter the travel high chair.  That is now clamped to our table and looks more like it belongs in a carpenter's garage than our kitchen.  Besides being easier to move around it, it's also much easier to clean UNDER it.  And the cover simply goes in the wash at the end of the week (let's not pretend I cleaned the other high chair more often than that either).

Baby Book: sisters, friends.

Evyn and Ashlyn were enjoying the mild weather outside this afternoon while J cleaned his truck and I rested on the couch.  I heard Ev come inside, apparently to get two cups of water - for the "sit playground" (aka the picnic bench; have I told you she has her own way of describing things?). 

Me: "That's awfully nice of you to get a glass of water for your sister, too."

Evyn, obviously proud of herself: "Yeah.  We're trying to spend time together.  I took Ashlyn on a walk around the house.  Showed her some ant holes and stuff.  She fell two times but I helped her up.  We're trying to be nice to each other and spend time with each other since we're mean to each other a lot.  So I'm trying to be nice today."

Six and three years old. 

Awesome.

 

Baby Book: I love how little kids think their parents can do ANYthing

I remember going through a crocheting-spell (you know, two kids and a small business ago).  At the time I think Evyn thought I could make anything out of yarn.  It was incredibly sweet that she thought I was so amazing that I could just whip up a - desk - or pants - or whatever - out of yarn. 

She's six now.  And I literally catch myself tearing up a bit when it hits me that she will just keep growing up.  Not be so little...naive...innocent...someday.

Tonight the girls asked me to sing them to sleep.  So I spent a few short minutes on each of their beds.  I had a migraine this morning.  And I'm just not that talented, so I was actually laughing inside as I was singing to Evyn and thinking to myself, I wonder if she notices how terrible of a singer I am?  I mean the girl loves Taylor Swift.  Isn't it sweet that she still wants to listen to Mommy sing, too?  I kissed her on the forehead and started down the ladder to her bunk as her sweet little voice popped up, "Mommy, you should be on a stage.  I'm not kidding.  You should sing on a stage."  It made me giggle. "You should sing on a stage because I think other people would love to hear you, too."

Besides thinking what a sweet, thoughtful little girl I'm raising, it was another reminder of the power of words to encourage and lift up. 

Sidenote: I have known about blog books for a while now but recently found a fairly easy version to use, so my apologies in advance if you dear readers must endure some "listen to what my kid said" posts.  I normally post those to Facebook.  But since they've not made it very easy to archive statuses into a journal, I guess I'll be posting those here.  I can't count on my brain to recall it all for me, and really, I have to have memories like this For Keeps.

Published! (see p. 76) Flour Power: Flour-Sack-Turned-Market Bag

Honestly, I've actually been published a couple of times, and for some reason have never shared.  But this time I promised myself I'd post it...

See how it's all pixelated?  That's because it's a crappy cell phone picture. Who cares?  I'm published!  This is a Sew News special issue that comes out once a year and has a bunch of cute sewing tutorials (mine included, ahem - did I say turn to page 76 yet?).

Here's my oldest, modeling my project for me.  It actually takes me back a little...

 

 

real men aren't afraid of pink

...at least that's how I'm going to explain photos like this to Cam:

Poor Third Baby with Two Older Sisters.  His baby tub was pink.  Half of his blankets are pink (and I totally walk out of the house with them).  I won't put him in a tutu, but he may wind up with a Dora the Explorer tricycle...

a christmas visit (a sweet little slideshow)

We tend to hoard James' vacation - in part because we just don't have the TIME for him to take it and partly because we enjoy using it at Christmas time to stay at home and spend our days in pajamas with coffee and the kids, or catching up on little projects around the house.  This year I decided to use a few days to go visit my grandparents.  We don't live near family and it's pretty difficult for me to get away without dragging the kiddos with me. 

I did some work while I was there, and also took some time out to take some pictures of my mom (who met up with me) with her parents. 

You may remember they both broke their hips within a week of each other, and that was the beginning of the decision to move permanently into Assisted Living.  It's been a real trial for them...I am grateful that they can afford a good place (save your pennies, folks!).  Grateful that my mom can visit them as frequently as she does (although I know it's not easy for her to with a business of her own to run).  And grateful that they have surviving family members in nearby Kentucky who have been working tirelessly to help them get their affairs in order.

From what I understand, they have good days and bad days.  Both of them have struggled with bouts of depression while they adjust to this loss of independence.  And both of them are now entering stages of dimentia. It's harder to converse with them now, and that alone is saddening.  I wanted to capture a mostly-lucid visit with them so I brought my camera along.  It was a little harder than I thought - since they spend a lot of their time sitting and not doing much. ;)  But we had some fun moments, and I've learned to be just as grateful for moments as anything else.

(ps. You'd have to know Grandpa to appreciate the creamers and toilet paper and box of harmonicas...he has spares of all of them in his walker tote...)

Music credit: Ingrid Michaelson The Way I Am

Grace

homemade Land of Nod (diy felt mitten garland)

When I saw these garlands on the Land of Nod website I knew I'd bumped into an easy craft that would turn out cute enough to actually use as decoration.  10 sheets of felt and a bag of tiny clothespins later...

I was actually prepared for the possibility that this particular Christmas project would be a bust.  Every Christmas season I wander the aisles at Michael's with ideas from 14 different Christmas magazines in hopes of finding fun things for the kids to do.  And somehow usually my ideas never make it out of the craft bin, or they wind up completely lost on the kids altogether.  This one was a winner in every category: Cheap. Fun. Easy-enough-for-a-three-year-old.  Entertaining-enough-to-hold-their-interest.  Pretty-enough-to-hang-up. The key ingredient, it turned out, was the Time To Do It.  I am so glad I took time off this season to hang with the kids...

It was (fittingly) a snow day on Sunday.  Daddy was on Guard duty out of town.  The kids were bored (and I'd already played outside for my quota of 30 minutes in the cold). 

And the activity lasted long enough for Daddy to join in when he got home:

Materials:

• 5-10 sheets of colorful felt from the craft store
• Mitten Template (from Martha Stewart)
• Scissors & Fabric glue (or school glue - you'll need to use a bit more of it than usual)
• Mini-clothespins (I found mine in the wooden shapes aisle at Michaels)
• Optional: fabric markers, bits of ribbon, self-adhesive felt shapes

How to:

1. Cut the mitten shape from cardstock and use as a template for the felt mittens.  Trace and cut from felt.
2. Embellish the mittens and let dry.
3. Hang with clothespins to a long stretch of ribbon - or for more permanent use (year after year) - sew the mittens to the ribbon.
4. You could just as easily do this with scrapbook paper or cardstock. and staple to a length of twine or ribbon.

 

Ashlyn's First Trip to the ER

We knew it would come some day.  I've joked about it for a couple of years now.  Thankfully, it didn't turn out to be a big deal.  She fell and her teeth made a huge gash in her bottom lip -I had no clue how bad it was or if it would require stitches...so off to the ER we went.

I had Evyn's camera in my purse from an earlier project today.  So you KNOW I totally whipped it out at a stop light, right? If you were a Facebook friend, you'd remember last year's EKG. But I digress...back to the bloody mess at hand.

Poor James.  I called him at work - at the time I couldn't even figure out where the gush of blood was coming from.  So he panicked a little and met me at the ER.

After the nurses cleaned her up we found a second boo-boo--this one on her chin.

Of course the final verdict was - no stitches.  Just go home.  And wait for the bill.

But not before stopping for the most expensive popsicle this year.

Yes, people were looking at me weird.  Who takes a dozen pictures of her kid at the emergency room?  Are you kidding?  As long as she's probably fine - AND sitting so pitifully in a wheelchair - ME:

"James, please stand there so I can test the lens."

Guess I should have known better...especially only 24 hours after the man Youtubed "Horatio Caine" impressions.

 And surely HE should have known better than to expect me to keep these images all to myself when there is a World Wide Web out there to enjoy them.

a rite of passage...

If you've been hanging out this blog for a bamillion years then you know Ev used to be a pretty good shopper.  But things change.  And she's taken to complaining about it.

Several years ago I started joining in the HubBub that is Black Friday.  There's just something about waking up while it's still dark, parking three miles from the store, and shopping in a groggy frenzy with five hundred people.  It's like Christmas Kickoff.  Way back then I had visions of my little girl joining me for Black Friday.  So when she started changing her tune about shopping in general I just assumed she wouldn't be my Black Friday Wing Man.

Somehow, though, James managed to get her excited about the idea.  And this was our year.

 
Last night she laid out an outfit she put together just for our shopping trip, went to bed dutifully and made sure to fall asleep quickly in preparation for our big day.  We woke up at 4:00 a.m. to make the 1-hour pilgrimage to Raleigh, got dressed in the dark, grabbed a sandwich and snuck out of the house.  Evyn was particularly enchanted with the fact that it was still dark, and would be for a while.

We started at Target.  And stopped for a caffeine break.  E got the usual "pink drink" (milk with three shots of raspberry syrup.

Honestly, Target was a bit of a bust.  Bright and friendly as usual.  But nothing special.  Evyn suggested the mall across the street.  That's where I hit some serious sales (skinny jeans at the Gap for $15!).  Totally should have gotten pictures of the pile-o-goods, but I'm kind of glad I didn't.  Sidenote: We did take the opportunity to also pick up a few things for charity but I wish we'd done more.  In fact, the thought occurred to me that next year we should try to put a Christmas together for a family using Black Friday deals.  (I saw a similar idea using coupon-ing in December to help stock a food pantry in a magazine). 

After several HOURS, we stopped for coffee break #2.  This is Ev with another "pink drink" and a little prize she picked for being incredibly easy to shop with. (Have you ever been to "Justice"?  That place is a land mine for mothers of 6 year olds.)

I asked her if she would join me again next year.  She said she'd "have to think about it."

Maybe she just needs to sleep on it...

By the way...one small detail that I noticed is lost in this post is how incredibly grateful I am that my husband was intuitive enough to know how important this actually was to me, even though I played it off when I realized Evyn might not want to go.  "Time together" is my love-language and I have been anticipating my first Black Friday with one of my girls for a long time.  So I'm incredibly thankful that James found a way to get Evyn excited about it enough to go.  Now, if she doesn't join me next year it will be because I took a bit too long at the Gap...